Chad Ochocinco gets MTV on board for a reality show this season, “The Real World: New England Patriots.” Cameras capture Tom Brady standing at the mirror for hours on end combing his hair, Bill Belichick drunkenly going down a Slip ‘n Slide naked, and after a tough loss Albert Haynesworth drowning his sorrows in mayonnaise.
Just when Peyton Manning’s neck injury appears fully healed, he tweaks it again filming a commercial for the Oreo Racing League. Peyton’s done for the year after just his third lick.
Every single player in the league will make Jon Gruden’s All-Pro team.
Ben Roethlisberger gets accused of sexually assaulting Maurkice Pouncey during the center-quarterback exchange.
In the Bears-Packers Christmas day matchup, Clay Matthews Jr. snaps Jay Cutler’s leg in half LT-style and ends his career. Players from around the league tweet that Cutler should have stayed in the game.
Taking a cue from Carson Palmer, rookie Andy Dalton decides to retire rather than play for the Bengals.
Rex Ryan gets another tattoo, this one in a more private area. It says, “Suck This Belichick.”
Ron Jaworksi will be limited to saying the word “explosive” 37 times per MNF telecast. Ratings plummet.
To better his chances at getting on the field, Terrelle Pryor decides to make the position change. Pryor becomes the first streaker with a 4.4 40 in NFL history.
The Ravens-49ers Week 12 matchup is postponed after the two Harbaugh brothers get into a wrestling match at midfield just before kickoff.
Tiki Barber makes a successful comeback attempt. He tricks the cornerback-deprived Giants into re-signing him by pretending he’s his twin brother Ronde. When the deception is revealed, Tom Coughlin’s facial expression doesn’t change.
The Jets are their own worst enemy this season as Plaxico Burress teaches them how to shoot themselves in the foot.
Brett Favre unretires solely to ensure that when he texts pictures of his penis to various women he gets his due publicity.
Al Davis’ contributions guarantee the Raiders lead the league in terms of early bird specials eaten by one organization.
--from @AdamHocking and @jeuneski
Nice! I bet Tom Coughlin's face also stays the same shade of purple.
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