The "Other" 2010 NFL Predictions

For our 2011 predictions, click here.

In order to further piss off Mike Shanahan, Albert Haynesworth has been losing weight so that he doesn't fit into the prototypical mold of a big, fat, immovable 3-4 defensive lineman.  I predict he makes the Pro Bowl this year as a wide receiver.

I predict the Bears get off to a woeful start and Lovie Smith gets the axe.  Jon Gruden is brought in, making a triumphant return to the coaching ranks.  It is short lived, however, when Gruden impales a referee with the first down marker and proceeds to eat the man’s liver on the sidelines.

Tim Tebow surprises everyone by performing at an MVP-level through the first half of the season, but then leaves the team to do missionary work in Africa.  Kyle Orton is unable to come in because at a charity golf event he tripped over his neck beard and fractured his clavicle.

Ben Roethlisberger briefly redeems his image by volunteering at a local animal shelter.  His popularity nosedives after it is revealed that he has been drugging and sexually assaulting puppies.  Michael Vick is also implicated but asserts that he left the facility before any of the wrongdoing occurred.

Tom Brady leaves the NFL to pursue a modeling career.  However, his new venture ends in tragedy when it is reported that Brady is bulimic and has a cocaine problem.

Mike Singletary finds the winning formula after he cuts the entire San Francisco roster and takes the field himself with just one teammate, Mike Ditka.  As a result, the 49ers bring home the Lombardi Trophy.

Chris Berman and Sean Payton are caught in the Saints’ training room stealing vicodin.  Berman’s defense, “A little 8% codeine never hurt anyone.”

Glenn Dorsey continues to disappoint, to the point that rumors claim he has actually disappeared.  Charlie Weis is implicated in the disappearance as his weight climbs to over 700 pounds.  Dorsey is found half-digested in Weis’ stomach along with a spare tire, a license plate, 3,000 Oreos, and half of Notre Dame’s faculty.

Michael Vick receives a lifetime ban from football after he is caught masterminding a human baby fighting ring.

Andy Reid and Rex Ryan decide to take up a new hobby in the offseason: sumo wrestling.

Randy Moss gets shipwrecked during a three-hour tour of Revis Island, gets lost in a sideways universe, and the only way he can win a Super Bowl is if the Patriots sign Gary Anderson and David Tyree.

The Eagles hand Kevin Kolb the reins while giving Donovan McNabb the boot, the Redskins trade for McNabb and ship Jason Campbell off to Oakland, the Raiders jettison JaMarcus Russell in favor of Campbell, and Russell is arrested for possession of a controlled substance.  I say he's back on the Raiders in no time.

And finally...

Brett Favre makes such strong, lasting connections with the high school receivers he's been throwing to (rather than his actual NFL teammates) that he decides to enroll with them at Hattiesburg, Mississippi's Oak Grove High School instead of coming back to play for the Vikings.  Favre goes on to rule the school; he shoves nerds into lockers, takes the cheerleader to the prom, starts a food fight in the cafeteria, and basically shows Zac Efron what's up.

A vision of the not too distant future

--from Adam and Eric